Match the Fire

Last night I flew down to Ontario, CA from Seattle for a wedding.  Incredibly tense… even took in a (painful, spine crackling) massage at the airport before boarding.  My thoughts are a lot like my days: bouncing from issue to project to new idea to person to need to book to magazine article to future plans to…  but I closed my eyes and used the time on the ground (including a fuel delay) up until well after we leveled out for a long session of lectio divina meditation -using Psalm 133, one of the few I have memorized.  It was kind of cool that the process and feelings from being on the ground, taking off and flight fed into each stage of the meditation.

Then this morning, I used 20 minutes of the drive from the airport Travelodge to Big Bear Lake for the “Name of Jesus” prayer.

I wish I could tell you that I was refreshed, or gained a deep insight.  Perhaps this–it was hard work slowing the racing thoughts and staying on task, letting myself be in God’s presence.  That suggests something right there.  Pray for me.

Here’s one of my favorite pictures of Trevan.

We left Great Falls, MT about 9AM on Tuesday, 17th and got into the Tacoma area just before midnight that evening.  That was Trevan’s actual due date–so he was 2.5 weeks early.  We used Wednesday to recover a bit, and to throw out all the food items in the fridge and kitchen that had gone bad since our hasty packing and trip to Utah on the 1st of July.  Thursday we went to Trevans 1st appointment with his pediatrician.  All positive.  He’s now about 7lbs, 12oz… has gained almost a pound since birth.  Today, technically I’m still on Paternity leave, but have been touching base with a lot of people re: missed and upcoming appointments and meetings.  Pray for me–that I maintain a sense of peace, and that I don’t forget to center my work and life in prayer and Christ’s mission and purpose.

Okay that’s hyperbole. But yesterday afternoon, about 4:30 pm or so, we received the call that the ICPC papers had gone through and we were free to leave Utah with our new son, Trevan. Not too bad: just 8 days after signing the adoption papers. We ended up canceling our old flight reservations (in hindsight, I shouldn’t have made them in the first place) and grabbed the last direct flight from SLC to Great Falls. At 11PM in the GF terminal, were met by all the grandparents and Mac who seemed as excited to see us as we were to see him. We’ll be here in GF through Monday and drive back to Tacoma on Tuesday the 17th.

I’ve been reflecting on the 116th Psalm.  It’s good for celebrating the generosity of God; it’s also a good reminder during times that I’m feeling neglected or sorry for myself. 

Tonight we gave Trevan his first post-birth bath in the hotel sink. 

 

May not look like it in the photo above, but he actually seemed to like the warm water.  The cold air? …not so much.  As I held him, these words came to mind:  

“What shall I return to the Lord for all his bounty to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord” (Psalms 116:12-13).

Along with Jesus’ statement: “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name, welcomes me” (Mark 9:37). 

I can’t repay God for my salvation, or my children, or any other gift.  Anything I might offer to God (i.e. my heart or these extensions of it) are all provided by him.  Trevan Douglas, I hold and welcome you into my life in Christ’s name, and through you I am refilled by Christ’s Holy Spirit.

Easy to say now.  Not so easy last night at 2:23 AM when he was a-yellin’!  (His days and nights are mixed, as often happens in newborns.  We’re working on it.)  Having been on both sides of the hotel wall when babies are hollering, I can assure you that the parents are definately more frustrated, tired, and miserable than their neighbors.  Did you know that peer pressure and judgment can seep — unheard and unseen — right through plaster board?  Forgive me: on occasion I do take comfort from the thought that, “we just need to make it through this night, then our paths will probably never cross again.” 

(The baby is also pretty upset about something or other, but at least s/he gets to express it, while the rest of us pay!  Ah well.)

Dr. Scott Gustafson, told the story in one of my seminary classes (and years later in his book, Biblical Amnesia) about a sleepless night when he almost felt the urge to throw his screaming infant son through the wall.  He suddenly heard, almost audibly, that passage from Mark 9:37 — “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name, welcomes me.”  And he suddenly realized he was no longer holding his screaming son, but the screaming Son of God.  I thank him for that story and insight.  I’ve used it as a dad, and it’s amazing how (most of the time) I am suddenly able to smile and take it in a better spirit and humor.  A hollering child in my house is certainly a greater blessing and gift than no hollering child.

We’ve opened the bottle of “Forgotten Apple Wine” I mentioned in July 9th’s post.  Tonight, I lift my (plastic hotel) glass to you, to Trevan, and to God who has allowed us this time together.  God bless.

We hope that in the next day or so we’ll have permission from the Utah & Washington courts to take Trevan out of state.  (Pics of Trevan in my July 6 posting.)  In the meantime, we’ve made a few excursions.  We had excellent Mexican food at the Red Iguana in Salt Lake City; I had the poblano mole… mmm. 

When Mac was born in southern California, we went to a couple wineries in the Temecula area.  We keep one of those bottles in our rack to open when Mac turns five.  When we open it, the idea is to both celebrate the gift of Mac, but also — while we sip — to reflect on the struggles, resolution and blessings that have occured since then.  We decided to try to keep the tradition with Trevan and searched for a Utah winery somewhere nearby. 

We knew there wouldn’t be many wineries because of all the state restrictions on alcohol.  Many of those restrictions have eased, especially after preparations for the 2002 Winter Olympics, and to encourage tourism.  As a result, there are quite a few brewery-restaurants; we’ve eaten at 2 so far.  Yesterday, we had dinner at the Redrock Brewer, SLC.  I ordered a warm shrimp salad and Pauline had a steak.  The pale ale was less hoppy than most, but had a very nice flavor and creamy texture.

As for wineries, there are about 3-5 in the whole state.  1 in SLC is more of a restaraunt that has one wine with their own label; (grapes are from out of state).  The 2nd in SLC wouldn’t answer the phone when we tried to call, and the address led to a private residence without any signage, so we left.  There are 2 listed in southern Utah near Moab, too far for us to travel.  We learned later that at least 1 of these 2 imports their wine, and only ages it for a bit in their barrels to call it their own.

We finally settled on Native Wines in Mount Pleasant, UT - about 1.5 hours south of SLC - a small-production fruit winery owned by Bob Sorenson and Winnie Wood.  The drive to Mount Pleasant reminded me quite a bit of the trips we make to the Yakima, WA area.  Unlike a lot of sweet fruit wines, their goal is to use grown and wild fruits to make more dry and complex wines.  We thought most of what we tasted was pretty good.  We purchased their “Forgotten Apple” (a barrel Bob had misplaced for about 4 years), wild chokecherry, and sweet cherry wines.  We really enjoyed our visit with Bob who told us that the soil and landscape of the area might be good for Riesling and Gewurztraminer vines, but most of the limitations are due to an apparent lack of interest along with the danger of freezes which can occur in late spring all the way into early summer.

On the way back we stopped at a great dinosaur and ancient creatures’ museum in Lehi, UT.  It looked like there were a number of different museums grouped in the area - Thanksgiving Point.  We were wishing Mac was with us; they had great interactive rooms and activities throughout, and the dinosaur models and information were very up-to-date and well displayed.

Today, we’re going shopping around the Trolley Square area.

It’s been quite a trip.  Pauline and I started the adoption process for our second child in March.  After the ups and downs–turning down possible situations and being turned down–we were feeling pretty discouraged the weekend of June 30.  We knew of one possibility in Mississippi, a baby due July 17, but because of a mix-up we thought it had become unlikely.  To cheer ourselves up a bit, we got a baby-sitter for Mac (our 2.5-year-old) and went to a movie: “Pirates of the Carribean III”. 

The movie had about a half-hour left when our phones started vibrating.  One call was from a Utah area code.  The second was from our babysitter.  After a couple trips back and forth across peoples’ laps in the theater, we had a more full story.  The birthmother from Mississippi had traveled to Utah, was in labor, had just seen our profile, and was interested in talking with us.  After a brief phone conversation in the parking lot of the theater, it was pretty clear we had made a match.

Knowing that adoption means staying in the state of the child’s birth for a couple weeks (and that it includes a lot of hurry up and wait and odd hours), we had planned to drive Mac to stay with his grandparents in Great Falls, MT, and then to fly together wherever we needed to go.  Since the birthmother was in labor and headed for a C-section that Saturday evening, we took her agency’s advice and decided to have Pauline fly directly to Utah right away.  I would drive Mac to GF and then join Pauline as planned.

The baby boy was born by C-section Saturday, June 30, 8:20 PM.  I dropped Pauline off at the Seattle-Tacoma airport Sunday morning, 4:30AM, and immediately from there began the 11-hour trip to Great Falls.  Pauline was at the hospital by 10:30AM Mountain Time that day and by 11AM was holding the child who would become ours. 

Mac and I were in Great Falls by 5:30PM Sunday eve. 

Flying out of Great Falls can be challenging these days.  I chose a ticket that was quite a bit cheaper than a direct flight; I left at 7AM Monday and my first brief layover was in… Seattle!  Then Boise, ID.  By 2:20PM, Monday Pauline was picking me up in Salt Lake City.  There had been some drama and phone calls during my layovers, but all was happily smoothed out while I was in the air.

We had a couple names picked out, but by the time I held him, we were sure that he was Trevan Douglas Kaurin. 

 

Trevan is African American with one-quarter Korean… beautiful boy, as you can see.  His first name, Trevan, is an African American name meaning “outgoing”.  Douglas is the name of one of my good friends since childhood. 

The papers have been signed; we just need to wait for the Utah and Washington courts to give us clearance to take Trevan home–probably next week sometime.  We will be glad to fly to Great Falls and spend a few days with family before driving back to the Seattle-Tacoma area.  It is joyful, tho’ still a bit dizzying!  We thank God and all our friends and family for their support, love and prayers!