Infertility - Adoption

As the parents of a beautiful 17 mos. old adopted son, my wife and I still find this time from Mothers’ through Fathers’ Days rough going…emotionally and spiritually. As we contemplate the hope of expanding our family in the next year or so (via another adoption, which means yet another mortgage/added debt), we find ourselves on another stage of this strange, sometimes surreal, sometimes jealous, sometimes cynical ride.   

When you want to get pregnant–suddenly the world seems full of accidental or unwanted pregnancies. And Sunday worship and the Bible keep smacking you upside the head with “barren” couples or virgins who miraculously get pregnant.  

 

On the other hand, we’ve suddenly discovered other infertile couples and adopted children all around us. That helps.  

 

It’s just still strange how–when you enter the world of adoption–how the sense of “marketplace” cannot be avoided. Different ethnic groups and genders tend to come with different price tags, sadly depending on supply and demand; it becomes obvious that we are still a racist and gender-biased society. Or, you might consider a foreign adoption, which may cost less in “fees” but more in travel, room, board, and time away from home and work. Or, you can consider fostering to adopt or a “special needs” adoption, which can “cost” less initially, but demands different “costs” and risks, heartbreaks and/or love.

 

  I’ve heard of adoptive parents saying that their “infertility was a gift” because it lead to their child/ren. And I understand that statement to an extent. The idea of never meeting my son, Mac, is a heartbreaking, unthinkable thought. He truly is a gift even more precious to us because of the journeys that brought us together as a family. And yet, I still find this a mind-warping, strange process.

 

  In reaction to some of the sweet-sugary stuff we’ve seen and read, my wife and I with some friends of ours are thinking of co-authoring a book titled, “Infertility Sucks: A Christian Perspective.” Maybe it seems like an overstatement… but probably not to those who go through it.